Guilt Tripping to Recovery
A common theme in these articles is the person who has a mental disorder realizing it and working with others to move past it. However, coming to terms with the existence of a mental disorder is very difficult and for many, is actually the hardest part of the healing process. If you know someone who you are concerned about, the hardest thing will be to get them to admit their problem - you will have to be prepared for the question "How is what I am doing hurting you?"
This question is most common among people who regularly self-harm: they don't see their behavior as one which will hurt others. However, you (and anyone who tries to help) knows that they are hurting others: they are making others worry and are causing concern for their health. Many people who want to get their friends to stop a negative behavior cannot get past this first hurdle because they are afraid of the guilt trip. While guilt tripping is something we may often do as kids, it becomes socially unacceptable as time goes on. The thing is, guilt tripping is actually the most effective thing to stop someone's unhealthy behavior. Questions such as "Doesn't it hurt?", "Couldn't you just not self-harm?", or "Why do you do this? Don't you know I will worry about you?" are not useful for several reasons:
The questions which should be asked cannot fall into these categories. For example, a good question to ask could be "Have you considered the consequences of your behavior on others?". This is useful in three ways:
If a question falls into these categories instead, it can be provoking in a beneficial manner, instead of spurring a one-sided discussion/rant. In all, you should not be afraid to guilt trip or provoke someone who you are concerned about in order to begin the treatment process, but be sure to let them know that you are on their side.
A common theme in these articles is the person who has a mental disorder realizing it and working with others to move past it. However, coming to terms with the existence of a mental disorder is very difficult and for many, is actually the hardest part of the healing process. If you know someone who you are concerned about, the hardest thing will be to get them to admit their problem - you will have to be prepared for the question "How is what I am doing hurting you?"
This question is most common among people who regularly self-harm: they don't see their behavior as one which will hurt others. However, you (and anyone who tries to help) knows that they are hurting others: they are making others worry and are causing concern for their health. Many people who want to get their friends to stop a negative behavior cannot get past this first hurdle because they are afraid of the guilt trip. While guilt tripping is something we may often do as kids, it becomes socially unacceptable as time goes on. The thing is, guilt tripping is actually the most effective thing to stop someone's unhealthy behavior. Questions such as "Doesn't it hurt?", "Couldn't you just not self-harm?", or "Why do you do this? Don't you know I will worry about you?" are not useful for several reasons:
- The person already has an answer
- The person does not question their unhealthy behavior
- The person is feeling attacked
The questions which should be asked cannot fall into these categories. For example, a good question to ask could be "Have you considered the consequences of your behavior on others?". This is useful in three ways:
- The person most likely did not consider the implications of their actions and therefore must think
- The person questions their unhealthy behavior
- Instead of being attacked, the person is discussing their behavior in a friendly manner
If a question falls into these categories instead, it can be provoking in a beneficial manner, instead of spurring a one-sided discussion/rant. In all, you should not be afraid to guilt trip or provoke someone who you are concerned about in order to begin the treatment process, but be sure to let them know that you are on their side.